Relationship Stuff

Mom and I had a short but nice chat on the way home after mass.

It started with the shocking news about a friend's breakup all of sudden, when they've already had wedding photoshoots, bought a house and all these administrative stuff. In any case, I feel sad for her because its not that easy to find another partner as you grow older, especially after being together for so long.

I shan't write more as its a matter of privacy.




Its so sad that relationships these days are so much shorter compared to the past. In the past, people learnt how to bear with each other, accept each other's differences and even if they quarrel they don't just say "lets get divorced" so easily.

Freedom has its disadvantages too. (as much as I would not like to admit) Anyway, the thought of it makes me scared, somehow. For the future and what not.

So I asked my mom what maintains a relationship and there was a list of it. Its from her personal experiences with dad. I thought most of them were what I thought were important too, and sidetracking, I think I'm pretty similar to my dad. That was sidetracking.



Here's what I can remember.

Words of wisdom from my mom:
(female-female, male-male, female-male, friendships or r/s.)


Being honest around each other. Most important in my opinion. There's not a need to uphold any form of image with the person you love, honesty leads to mutual understanding and good communication. and communication is VERY important. Even if mistakes are made, being honest about everything can solve things.

Trust. Have faith in him/her no matter what, things happen but there are reasons behind them too. Find out the truth eventually, but first trust him/her. This is what keeps two people together.

Common mindsets/interests/goals. Imagine a guy with interest A with a girl with interest B. When they hang out with other people to fulfil their interests, there's a higher chance of them getting to know other people, leading to not-so-nice stuff. Not saying its impossible, you can compromise but just not SO good. That's looking it from the surface, but I think its extremely important for people to do things they like together and enjoy the moment. Or working on something together, say jobs family etc.

Communication. Perhaps one reason why my parents have been together for so long. Pretty self explanatory I think.

Similar personalities. This kinda varies, cause two hot-headed people can NEVER go together. But on the whole, this allows them to compromise, understand each other.

Reflection. Reflection is important. Extremely important. People can change for the better if they reflect, not only does it improve yourself, it also improves your relationship with other people (friends, family, etc). It might come from reading, films or any sort of thing with some sort of culture or gives you inspiration. Or perhaps talking to others. Can be as simple as looking at beautiful scenery (or the stars omg!!)

Having somebody kind hearted and compassionate. Not only towards you, but towards others too. Are they willing to help others in need? Do they help strangers? Do they care about others and not only themselves? How much effort are they willing to put in for those they love?

Space. I don't know if that's the case for other people, but it is for me. I'm the kind that need personal space and I wouldn't like to be too clingy or have somebody too clingy. I mean, very close is fine but not to the extent of not being able to survive without your significant other for a day.

When I had problems with my friend in the past, my mom told me that "relationships should be like the letter H and not A". the strokes of the letters are like the two individuals, and the bar in the middle is the link between them. The letter 'A' ain't good cause it shows two people relying too much on each other and that'll eventually lead to quarrels. H, on the other hand, depicts two independent beings supporting each other. yeah.

I told this to a good friend of mine back then. This phrase feels special.





... okay that's all I can remember for now. Abit weird that I'm writing these all these now, but I can't stand NOT blogging about stuff that goes into my mind.

One thing I don't understand is, friends can be VERY different from each other but still be the best of friends but it isn't so much of the case for couples I wonder why?

My take on everything? They make so much sense.




Its not like these would be of much use to me right now, but I'm planning to print out all my blog entries one day anyway.

Goodness, 3 plus years of archives. Sorry trees, but I treasure my blog posts alot. This blog is a really, really huge part of me.